If I lose it, don't judge me.

Boxed in. Locked in time. If I kick down the walls. I'll see the sun. Hear the birds. Feel the warmth. But I can't escape this room. I can knock down the walls and tear down the roof. But I can't escape this state I'm in. The walls are invisible and I can't find them. I can't touch them or feel them. They stretch out forever. I can't see their end. So I sit in this glass place alone. I can't get out and he can't get in. Maybe I was destined to be here. Locked in time.

Pick up your feet, son.

I'm sad to announce that I may be hearing less from the love interest. He's starting a new school tomorrow which means harder work, longer days and less free time. And that will be used up by sleeping and studying.  I'm super bummed because as the time goes by, the harder all this waiting gets.

I may be on the verge of crying all the time....but I'm going to keep pushing on. I wish all the lies people told me about time "flying by" would magically come true. Because time is dragging it's heavy feet...

 On a lighter note.

My brother is getting married. Tomorrow.
I can't believe it.
My big (younger) brother is grown up. He's flown the nest and is moving up in the world. I'm so proud of him. He's such an amazing young man and he's so great. His almostwife is the luckiest woman in the world.  Hooray for weddings and new families and new steps in life.

Well. That's all. I've got a migraine brewing.
I hope time picks up it's feet and starts running....I'm ready to see the love interest. And I hope it drags tomorrow for the brother and the little bride...and that it's super special.
Cheers! xo

At night I sometimes get sad.

But after a while I remember that waiting is worth it. And that I'm very lucky and blessed.

And that everything is going to be okay.

xo

P.S. Super duper duper jealous of that hair. Please, head, grow long hair. Please.

Sometimes tears are good for you.

The sushine today is too.  I could use a good quality hug right now. But the sun rays will do for now.
Cheers. xo

Still wishing for the beach...

Style Crush.

Maxi Dresses. I can't get enough. I'm on the verge of obsessed. I've searched the web for hours trying to find one that will drag on the floor for an affordable price...still searching...

xo

Dreaming...

counting down...

Tentatively forty-nine days 'til I see the love interest again. We're almost there! Right?

We've been having quality skype dates lately, and it's been great. Almost like we're really hanging out. Almost.

I'm watching Aladin right now. Thanks for the classics, ABC Family.

Hope your sunday is going splendid. 

Sorry for the dull posts as of late. I'll try and get my thoughts running high speed again soon. I'm enjoying doing less right now.
Cheers! xo

I carry your heart...

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 

-Edward Estlin Cummings

Take your vitamins, love.

And while you're at it, take a listen to Vitamin String Quartet. They make some pretty music. They almost make me like Lady Gaga songs....almost.
Cheers! xo

Something like trust..

As I've stated earlier....I've been freaking out a bit and leaning on the emotional side. For a lot of reasons that are out of my control.

Sunday night I bawled my bloody eyes out. I just sat on my bed and was completely real with God. I cried about everything that's been bothering me and making my heart ache and making me worry.

And He reminded me to trust Him. I ended the night by just reading His Word and fell fast asleep.

He's so good. And everything He does is good. Yeah, the world is going to be crap because we're running it and we're not perfect. But He'll straighten out everything and turn it around for good when everything just makes me want to cry. I can trust Him because I know He loves me and He has a plan for me. Even though I can't see it. Everything is going to be just fine.

 And right now all I see is sand. But this desert has an ocean up ahead...I just haven't reached the shoreline yet. But it's beautiful. I can feel it. 

FREAKING OUT.

Things are not going as planned these days...er..these years.

Aye yi yi.

xo

Please check out this video of Priscilla Ahn. I'm in love with her clear melodic voice. Watch the whole thing....I'm so impressed. She's so talented and did all the music and singing herself right there in front of the camera. I wish I could make such pretty sounds happen.

While you're at it, look up William Fitzsimmons. His music is awesome.

Hope your weekend looks bright and cheery! It's about to rain here.

Cheers. xo

Riding the roller coaster...

Lately I've been rather emotional. More than my usual. I can't really put my finger on why. I have several inklings....like my love interest is still another two months away from reach, my life is a desert, my little brother moved out and is getting married in a couple weeks, my twin brothers are getting so old...they're the age I was when I left my home for the first time......

I've been home for 2 years this May. I don't have much to show for it. Mostly just a lot of jobs on my resume and beauty school debt (I'm a beauty school drop out) and some random paintings sitting on the floor. I know this is good time to be home, to spend my last few years with my family before I spread my wings for the last time and fly. Before my world turns into something I've never experienced.

It's a hard road. With lots of tears and long days. But I know all this waiting is good. It makes you stronger and more appreciative of the times when you're not waiting.

I have my fingers crossed and I'm holding my breath for it all to end.
I'll wait the two months for the weekend in April. And then I'll wait another four months for the next weekend.
Til then. I'm still here.
Wandering. xo.

Strength comes from waiting. -Jose Marti

Honest Abe.

I picked up a wooden plaque from the thrift store the other day. One of those seriously out of date wall decor items that everyone passes over.

The reason I picked it up was because of what a quality guy Abraham Lincoln was. When life was screaming at him over and over, "GIVE UP!" He never did. He pushed through and never gave up...No matter what happened. When everyone and everything around him was calling him a failure, he dreamed of success. And... He was.

Life screams at me a lot. Things like....I'm a floundering person, I'm not going anywhere and I'm not amounting to anything. My life is like a desert...flat and dry without a water source in eye sight. And I sometimes need reminders that life isn't always going to be discouraging.

Thanks, Abe.

Bad photo, I know.

I painted the top of the wood with a peachy pink and then painted around the metal with black. 

I banged the gold plate a bit and sand papered it as well.

I think it's a bit quirky, which is what I was going for. 

Cheers. xo

Overpriced games is really what it is...

Friday night I went to the movies with my familia. While we were wating for it to start the twins each put in a dollar to play an arcade game. Just as it was starting, one of them let me play for them (sheer love. isn't it sweet?) 

It. Was. A. Blast.

Who knew arcade games were so fun??? I do now! 

I asked my love interest if we could get one for our someday-house. 

He said we could get a wii instead. 

I'll keep dreaming..... ;)

Cheers! xo

Loving across the miles...

I skyped this beautiful man last night. For three hours.

It. Was. Awesome.
I can't seem to get enough of that face.

What did you do on your Saturday night?
xo

P.S. I found this wicked sweet embroidered tiger for four bucks. SCORE. Super in love with him. And this is what is says on the back:

1986
Craig,
I hope you enjoy this "grrrrrrrr...!"It took me 4-ever but it was worth it! I hope you enjoy it.
I love you so much, Karen

When you've lost hope, what do you do to get it back?

When you live without hope you might as well live among tombs. -Orlando Juerez

KELLI MURRAY.

This chick is AWESOME. I'm in love with her art. And she's in love with Jesus, is super duper fashionable with her adorable husband and has a little baby on the way. I hope I'm cool like her when I grow up.

Have a great weekend, Loves!
xo

Where you invest your love, you invest your life. -Mumford and Sons


Give that some thought.
Loves. xo

Twenty-one years and counting....

My birthday was the other day. I was wishing for the love interest to appear by my side. Maybe next time.
No drinks for this twenty-something. But I did consume a good amount of sushi. Thanks, padres.

Enjoy your holiday tomorrow. I'll be working hard like I do.
Cheers! xo

Book of faces...

I liked not having facebook. And I love not having a twitter. The fact that I have a blog is borderlining my dislike. It's the easiest way to vent about the crap going in your life. The frustrations of work, the loneliness of being dateless, etc. And it's mostly accepted. Because we all love to complain. We think it makes us feel better. But I don't feel any better afterward. 

I activated my facebook shortly after I deleted it. [It was so great not having facebook. It felt so freeing.] The love interest was sad to not have any photos of the two of us anymore. Since then, I've gotten on to check his page and the couple other interesting things going on. But I can't bring myself to update my status. [And when I do, I go back and delete it] Because once I do, it opens up the opportunity to complain about how lonely it is without the love man. And no one wants to hear about that. And it's not even that big of a deal. But that's the problem with these things like blogs. It's the outlet for our lives and our feelings and all the other self absorbed things happening in our lives. But if it's interesting enough, people get sucked in. Reading and reading about all the things happening. That's facebook. Everyones getting engaged and getting speeding tickets and getting new pets. Nothing new under the sun. It's all the same...just someone else, somewhere else. And if I want to be depressed, I'll get on facebook. It works every time. It's always greener somewhere else, right? Right.

I need to take my herbs and my B vitamins and choke down a good outlet on my life. It's about time I was happy where I'm at. And it's about time I cut the negative-nancy out of my life. 

My love interest would agree.

Cheers. xo

P.S.

I dyed my hair for Valentines Day. (In case you didn't notice already...)
YEAH. Pink + Auburn.

XO.

How was your Valentines?

I really just want to thank the man that yelled and threw his jewelry and slammed the door at work today...all in the name of Valentines Day. Thank you, sir, for such a lovely encounter with you.

Seriously dude? Having a tantrum isn't gonna make me wanna help you.

Anyway. Today was just like any other day. Except I got a cute valentine and a coffee mug from mi padres. And my love interest sent me a package today. I'm expecting it to arrive on Thursday. Maybe sooner....fingers crossed! But other than that. Today was just like any other Monday. Which I'm definitely not complaining.

Hope your day was spectacular. Or at least average. If it was anything less...it's okay. It's just one day out the the three-hundred and sixty-five. Tomorrow's a new day. 

Cheers. xo.

HAPPY LOVE DAY.

XO.

My love interest was desperately trying to reach me while these photos were happening:

Spring Cleaning.

Today I had the urge to organize my closet. I don't have a dresser, so my closet is pretty un-organized. All my socks, underclothings, and leggings are all put in boxes on the floor....and they get mixed up a lot. And I have a plethera of tank tops (Because I never leave the house wearing one shirt.) So that shelf has been overflowing onto the floor. So. I did what I do. I purged. Threw out half of my closet. Because once you start cleaning one part...you have to do it ALL. So I have a large garbage bag ready to go to the curb for the garbage men, and one large garbage bag ready to get dropped off at goodwill. My room is still in need of some more organizing (which I will finish after I post this. I needed a break....this is hard work! ha.)  The good news is: I found my ACT scores! I was wondering where those had gone... I also found THREE cords for hooking up ipods to my car's stereo. So THAT'S where they ALL go. (As soon as I buy one...I have to buy another one because I lose them... How do they even end up in my room?!)

Anyway. Hope your day has been as successful as mine! I better go put in another load of wash and get the rest of this room back into shape!
xo

It's one of those days when I hang out with Riley all day and am bored out of my mind...

That's all. xo

Lego hair.

My love interest paid me a nice compliment yesterday.

"You're hair is just so beautiful. If your hair was like lego hair I would take it off your head and put it on my head and play the drums"

 Swoon. ;)
xo

CHECK OUT THIS KID.

My love interest introduced me to this boy's  beautiful music.

Greyson Chance.

I'm a huge fan already. And I swoon over anything piano....

xo

A few things I'm a fan of today.

 

Miss Carey Mulligan and her pixie cuts. I wish I were brave enough to cut all my hair off.

I haven't seen anyone rock them as adorable as she does.

24. This show has been keeping me preoccupied lately. Season 8 is my favorite so far. 

(I'm watching the seasons out of order. Just cause I can.)

 Hot chocolate and unhealthy treats. 

This winter I've been going into hibernation mode and bulking up with comfort foods... ha.

    This valentine photo shoot. Adorable.

 Snow days!! I'm still not tired of them.
(today was another one.)

Warm comfy beds. (who doesn't love them?)

Tomorrow I'm back to work again. Today was just a glitch in the weather.

Tomorrow snow is going to fall down on my love interest. (That way he won't feel so left out.)
Mr love man also got internet in his room...this means better skype dates! Hooray!
Now. Back to 24...
xo