You should read this right before bed. It's so exciting, you'll fall asleep...

I keep wanting to blog and write clever sentences and talk about pretty things. I guess they call it writers block. But I don't really think of myself as a writer. But I guess I can now sympathize for all the writers out there who are having a hard time finishing their book. If you're a writer, I hope your mind explodes with inspiration and you can't stop writing. Yes. Amen.

I'm finally settling in. It's been a year and a half since I moved back home with my parents. And finally when I go in my room, I think of my room as mine. I don't think of my room as the guest room and I don't think of the bed as the guest bed. And I don't hate my bed anymore. I guess I needed to finally embrace my room instead of subconsciously always wishing I was somewhere else. (I still wish that I had my brothers' beds though...theirs are so much more comfier. And I love twin beds more than doubles. I strongly believe big beds are lonely.) I suppose if enough time passes you realize you're where you're at and you'll probably be there a while longer. So you might as well love it while you're there. At least for me.

I have a pink Christmas tree. I put it up in the corner of my bedroom. I've left it on all night while I sleep the past couple of nights. Every time I wake up, I feel all cozy and warm. It's funny how a couple of lights wrapped around a tree can make you smile. I hung all my paintings on my wall. Granted they're up on the walls with staples... but they're up there none-the-less.

Mr. Love Interest received his orders this Friday. He now knows what his life will look like up until August 2011. Which is fantastic. Because when you're in the military...you never know what's going on until you're doing it. So, hooray for that. On the other hand, I'm not excited about the first two weeks of January. He'll be going through SERE school. in other words he's attending torture camp. No roasting marshmallows or telling stories over the campfire. I already can't wait 'til he's finished it.

On another note. I've upped my hours at work, so I'm even more busy than I was. Tonight we had an open house. Which means I was running around trying to help while I quickly stuffed my face with mini cupcakes. I have a huge sweet tooth...someone save me.

I'm going to stop myself now, before I ramble about more mindless unimportant details of my little life.
xo

Shoot me. Shoot me now.

I know I haven't been writing.

but.

I have nothing to say.

That's why.


I've been working. And sleeping. And trying to eat at least 2 meals a day. And checking my emails. That's all.

Every day. All the time. That's all.

I'm bored out of my mind.

xo


*I don't actually check my emails because no one emails these days. I just didn't really want to say that I am on facebook. Cause I kinda hate facebook. Even though I get on it every day. 

It's 12:12 in the am. And I should be resting my little head and swimming through dreams. But instead I'm here. 

Tonight I'm thinking about love. And friendship. And timing. And seasons. And life. And the end of it all. It all ends they say.

Sometimes I wonder. About our hearts. Jesus built them so beautifully. And when we love Him, we can love with His love. I don't know how it fits in there...but I can feel it when it's bursting through. And I feel like my chest will explode with love. And I know that only His love would be so powerful that you can feel it pushing on your rib cage. And only His love could push on your eyes and make them spill with tears. 

When I love people, I'm never good at sharing it. Not the way it feels inside. I just want to open my heart so they can see the love. But I can't do that. Cause all my blood would be spilling on the floor as well. 

I've heard people say that when you love someone you never stop loving them. That you always carry a piece of them with you forever. I always thought that was silly and something people say when they break up with someone but they're still not over them. But I believe it now. I've loved dear people that I no longer speak to anymore because our paths have changed courses and we've made different life choices. But I'll still think of that incredible girl that I knew for three months and my heart throbs. Because Jesus made her so beautiful. And I hope she still remembers that. 

What really got me thinking about all this life and love is my love interest. I wish I could share him with all of you. Not really, because I want to keep him for myself. But just so you could see what love is. He's one of those people that people write books and make movies about. He loves with the biggest heart I've ever seen. He'd do anything to make a smile spread across my face. But I'm never able to articulate how much I love him. Not as well as he does. "I love you so so so much" only goes so far in the mind. But even with my red hair making me temperamental, I hope he still know that my heart falls apart when I hear his voice. And when he says things like he wants to be the man to watch me die...so I'm not alone at the end and that I go from one love to another...I shatter into a million pieces. Because love like that is something you can't find on any street corner. That's Jesus love. It's real. The kind that is selfless and is greater than any feeling. I don't know how you earn love like that. But that's just it. You can't earn love like that. You just receive it. And love back as best as you can. And I just hope that I am able to live and love and be all that I can be. Because that's the least I can do. And that's all I can think to say or do. Because I can't quite literally rip my heart out without all the blood getting on everything. And I don't know how else to communicate myself. Because I'm all tangled up in my thoughts again. 

But I know that Jesus loves us more than all that. I don't know how. Except that He's Love. And everytime someone loves another, it's Him reaching out and filling the space in our rib cages. Pulling on all our heart strings and making our eyes water. And I don't know how anyone, even Jesus, could love so big that'd He'd sacrifice Himself. No one's ever seen God. Meaning, no one has ever understood Him...comprehended how wonderful and good He really is. All I know is. He is good. He's always good. And He pulls on my heart strings still. 

Oh, Love. I cannot express myself any more. At a loss of words, as I usually am. But my heart is bursting. I hope that is enough to paint the way I feel. And if not. I hope someday I learn to share my heart better.

N'night world.

xo

Let's build a fort and play all day.

When my love interest is someday my husband, we're gonna build forts in our house. And I'm so excited.
I suppose I could build one now. But forts are only fun when you share them with someone else. So for right now, I'm planning and figuring out the best fort blue prints for our awesome tents we will someday create.
Here are a few inspirations I have discovered...

I'm super excited to make picnics and watch movies and play games under twinkle lights and blankets strewn across chairs and lamps and tables. 

I think there's something charming about making houses inside a house. I remember my brothers and I placing chairs in strategic places in the family room and hanging all the blankets in the house between them. We'd crawl through the tunnels we had built and happily eat our lunch. We kiddos were pretty creative when we were little and would spend hours on end in our little home, playing with our toys and pretending to be characters we created.

Let's all be little and live in our imaginations once in a while.
Cheers. xo

all images found at weheartit.com and fort lovely at elsiecake.com 

I've realized that my blog is mostly a very wordy To Do List....

I need to read.

I've come to the conclusion that it is crucial to my thinking processes for me to read incredibly unhealthy amounts of books. For some reason, when I read, my thoughts start running and dancing and spilling out everywhere. 

As of lately I haven't had time for reading. Too busy with Halloween festivities and working and walking my chubby weimaraner around the neighborhood. (granted walking my dog doesn't take up that much time...but I feel very accomplished when I walk my dog so I thought it was important to include it in my list of things I've been doing as of lately. You would too.) And therefore my thoughts haven't been running wild. They've been happily lounging around, entertained with mundane life. Except the end of the world dreams haven't slowed down....anyone else been having dreams of snowflakes the size of softballs with razor ends falling from the sky? Or being captured by evil people and taken prisoner? Or is that just me?

So, dreams aside, that's on my list of things to do. Read. (With all that said. I apologize that this post is rather boring...I haven't been reading...So that's my excuse.)

I keep wondering why I don't paint. And. I came to the startling conclusion.
I have nothing to paint on.
No wonder I never paint.... Time to spend some money and buy some painting paper. (not that I haven't already been spending money... I've been finding awesome deals everywhere... two dollar tanks and seven dollar jeans....don't ask me how I do it...I'm just an incredible shopper it seems.)

Aside from all that. I miss my love interest. But hey. What's new? The boyfriend is about to graduate and move onto bigger and better things in his marine life...Which is really exciting. Just a couple more weeks and he'll be up in the air, hanging out with the clouds.

Granted he won't be flying this helicopter....but I thought this kiddo was a cutie. 

On another note. Wedding talk is all the rage in my family as of lately. Hooray for the little brother's engagement. Four months left til the wedding bells ring. It's still crazy to me that my little brother is getting married. That lucky jerk. ;) He and his little woman are adorable.

That's all for now. Time for work.
Cheers. xo

P.S. I almost forgot. This is what halloween looked like this weekend.

Halloween night # 1. Roller skating and Ihop (Notice the ihop advertisements behind us.)

Check out the scissor hand couple...I'd like to brag about the fact that I helped produce the look... via the makeup.
And yes. All that superhero talk leaked into my costume...Lady Avenger, I like to call myself. 

Halloween night #2 We went bowling the second night...hence the trippy carpet. Cute kids huh? Love 'em. xo